


Letters to Sahuna: Jaal

by HardPass



Series: You've Got Mail [2]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Emails, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Feels, Ryder loves old earth music, Ryder sucks at emotions, Sahuna is forever my favorite, character discovery, i'm not even sorry, ohgawd I can't stop writing these, sassy ryder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 22:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10649010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardPass/pseuds/HardPass
Summary: My undying adoration of Sahuna made me want to expand on the email theme. In a companion piece to my other fic,Letters to Sahunawe now get Letters to Sahuna from Jaal, in which Jaal and Sahuna exchange emails. Obviously.Good lord I'm not used to writing feelsy pieces.Some spoilers ahoy! You've been warned.





	Letters to Sahuna: Jaal

**Author's Note:**

> I said it before, I'm gonna say it again. I. LOVE. SAHUNA. Don't ask me why. I was just instantly charmed by her when Ryder got to meet her and then she began emailing her. I needed more. Which was how [Letters to Sahuna](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10637322) was born. Unsatisfied, I decided I needed another perspective, which was why I decided to write an accompanying correspondence from Jaal. It accompanies a slightly different timeline. These emails exist before he and Ryder decide to be in a relationship, while the other fic takes place afterward.

**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Jaal! What have you done? Where are you? Are you safe? Your cousin told us everything. DO NOT GO WITH THOSE ALIENS! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Respond immediately!

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

Mother,

I volunteered, and Kedra is a tattletale. I had hoped to write you myself before word reached you, but my cousin clearly made that impossible. Rest assured, I don't trust these aliens. The implications of what they claim is huge, not to be ignored, but I have not been lulled by their insistence that they come peacefully. We have seen what they are capable of on Kadara and other places. They come with weapons. The only thread of commonality we seem to have is our woes with the Kett. Will it be strong enough to forge alliances over? It is not my place to say.

The crew I travel with now is small, lead by this _Pathfinder_. I don't yet know what to make of her. She is generous with her smiles, but guarded with her thoughts. I find myself at an impasse with her. I will not reply to direct questions about myself that do not pertain to our mission, and she deflects any questions directed at her with sarcasm and casual humor. She is the least literal being I have ever met. Conversations prove to be frustrating.

On their ship, I sleep in a bunkroom with the other crew. Close quarters with others has never bothered me, but I do not rest deeply and I keep a weapon close, just in case.

I will keep digging for these people's true intentions. If I find them lacking, rest assured I will do everything in my power to stop them. The Pathfinder might be guarded, but I will find a way through her armor to take her apart. I always do.

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Dearest Jaal,

I spend each day waiting on edge to hear that these aliens have double-crossed you. I worry, as is a mother’s duty, but I trust that if anyone can discern the truth about their intentions, it is you. If this Pathfinder guards her mind and heart so closely, she has left something else open to vulnerability. Find it. Be ready to exploit it.

Stay strong and clear, my son.

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

Mother,

One of the crew has approached me as a means to forge a bridge. His name is Liam Kosta, one of the humans. He posed a trade, of sorts. The exercise opened avenues of conversation we had not yet found a way to breach and a way to learn about each other. He is more forthright with his communication.

As for the others, they have acclimatized to my presence and show curiosity toward the angara. I hesitate. What if their curiosity is driven by something like the Kett? To learn in order to conquer.

The Pathfinder remains elusive. Casual insults followed by laughs and apologies pass her lips with every breath. Not usually aimed at me, but her crew. They laugh with her and throw their own barbs in response. This banter seems to delight her. When asked direct questions, she continues to evade, however, she has revealed one passion to me. When we travel in her land vehicle (it is called a “ _Nomad_ ” but she has given it a more personal moniker, the “ _Neil Diamond_.” I have not yet uncovered what kind of diamond a Neil is.) she plays music and (playfully?) threatens to shoot anyone who attempts to change it. The music is from her home world, and apparently quite old. The others complain that she needs to update her tastes, but I find the music surprisingly catchy. I feel as if her devotion to these ancient bands is the only sincere facet to her personality.

We continue to explore with single-minded purpose, although we pause to assist others who are in need, which gives me hope about the character of these strangers.

Your loving son,

Jaal

 

_[Jaal has attached media files containing copies of the music the Pathfinder plays during road trips. Tracks include_ Lowrider _, by War,_ Don't Stop Me Now, _by Queen, and_ I am the Walrus _, by the Beatles.]_

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Tell me about these people you are helping. What is the Pathfinder's motivation to pause her mission to assist? If you asked, would she give you a straight answer?

Your mothers and I listened to the music files. We found them quite perplexing, especially the one by the _Beatles_. It appeared to be only nonsensical phrases strung together by melody. Perhaps something was lost in translation? We decided we did not like the songs. They had no soul.

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

I asked.

She said, “Because shit is fucked up. Somebody has to unfuck it. Looks like I found my calling at last.”

We help anyone who asks with sincerity, and even some who don't. I confess, I might have judged her too harshly. She works endless hours to assist her people, including those in exile. “They are still my people, even if they're assholes,” she told me. She also helps any angaran who reaches out to her. She was less forthright with her intentions when I asked her about that. She told me, “Because I'm a big damn hero.” Which might sound like arrogance, except I'm certain she was kidding. I still don't know what her flippant words were trying to hide. She also said, “And I like those fleshy neck things you guys have going on. I'm a slave to that kind of awesome aesthetic.” I feel like my translator is broken when I speak to her.

My talks with the ship's doctor, Lexi, has provided some insight. She tells me humans often bury their emotions, especially around strangers. She explained that Ryder is especially notorious for using sarcasm and humor to maintain walls between herself and others. She says that her language can be learned, but I'm better off observing her actions. Her actions, Lexi says, are her truths.

In the meantime, Liam has let me borrow a library of fictional Milky Way comedies. He insists they are “wonderful garbage.” These people delight in oxymorons.

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Word of the Pathfinder and her team reaches us through other sources, most of it positive. I am cautiously optimistic that this will become a foundation for a stronger alliance between our people and those from the Milky Way against the Kett. Despite this, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don’t fully trust it. I suppose it will take us time.

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

I am also optimistic. Ryder’s efforts have begun to convince me that the work she does is out of goodness, not subterfuge. I have spent time on their space station and in the outpost Ryder has so far helped establish on Eos. I believe these people came here with the sincere intention of living, not to murder, like the Kett.

The crew here has warmed to me. Our chief engineer, Gil Brodie, has included me in games of poker (a card game dependent partially on luck, partially on lying, and partially on one’s ability to read the other players). The game itself is simple, but the strategy is incredibly complex. I admit, I have not mastered it yet. Gil is formidable, although the others show varying amounts of skill. Ryder joined us for a match. Only one. She trounced everyone, including Gil, much to the man’s dismay.

Nobody else noticed, for surely they would have raised objection, but it appears that our Pathfinder’s skillset includes incredible sleight-of-hand. I don’t believe bringing this up would earn me any favors. In any case, while I work towards beating Gil fairly at his game, I do find it pleasing to see him so loudly humbled.

 

**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

Mother,

Moshae Sjefa is safe.

I keep repeating it to myself in disbelief. I thought she was yet another casualty of the Kett, but Ryder is not the type to take “no” for an answer. More, she refused to leave any of our people behind, even when we could have destroyed the Kett base. This, I am conflicted on. Strategically, it made sense to bomb the base, but it would have cost us every life inside. Ryder refused. She says we can always try to blow it up later, but we can't “unkill” the people inside. She chose lives over victory. Our lives. Angara lives. I wonder if we will come to regret not leaving that base in rubble, but I confess, I'm grateful with the choice she made. Many families will rejoice as their loved ones return home.

I am...processing my rage about Exaltation. Words do not do my fury justice. Liam has invited me to spar in the cargo bay where there is room and we are unlikely to damage anything. I will take him up on that now.

Jaal

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

We grieve for those lost to the Exaltation, and rejoice for news of Moshae Sjefa.

You said before that you were advised to look to Ryder’s actions for her truths. I believe she has finally spoken.

I must keep this short. With the first decisive blow against the Kett in years, a swarm of recruits has volunteered to the Resistance. I have my hands full here, but I would not have it any other way.

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

Why would a person hide what they care about? To what purpose does that achieve? Ryder has never done a thing in selfishness that I have witnessed. Her priorities are always others, from her crew to her peers on the Nexus to complete strangers. She never pauses to celebrate. She insists complements made to her are misplaced and undeserving. Speaking to her, one would mistake her for utterly flippant, callous, even.

But she cares. Deeply, I suspect.

Was I wrong with my initial suspicion? I simply can't fathom why a person would hide noble intentions.

We're on Voeld now. She despises the cold, but I find the planet beautiful.

Also, I have begun letting my guard down more frequently. I feel as if I’m catching up on weeks worth of sleep. My crewmate, Peebee, cannot fathom how I nap in the _Neil Diamond_ with the way Ryder drives. She does seem to prefer the paths less traveled, but I find myself inspired by that independence. She does things her own way without compromise (even at the expense of her superiors’ frustrations).

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Did you ever find out what kind of diamond a Neil is?

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

It is actually the name of one of Ryder's favored artists.

 

[ _Jaal has included media of one song,_ Sweet Caroline _by Neil Diamond._ ]

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

Mother,

Forgive me for not writing for a while. I am very busy. Ryder has pushed hard for progress lately and takes me with her on every last mission. She expresses amusement when I use the time we are trapped together in the _Neil Diamond_ to help the others express their feelings, but she gets flustered when I turn it on her. Lately, she has attempted to overcome that. She even invited me to have a drink with her to address her feelings. Well, as much as she ever addresses them. She wants us to be friends and has resolved to act less guarded with everyone, including me. I tried to tell her I thought it brave, but she insisted I not compliment her. I laugh now thinking about it. Small steps. At least she's trying to be honest about herself.

Stay strong and clear,

Jaal

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Your accomplishments alongside the Pathfinder fill me with pride, Jaal. You have helped forge this alliance. I always knew you were meant for great things.

Tell me more about Ryder and her family. Your mothers are curious.

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

We are doing good work. I can't believe I ever considered Ryder shallow and untrustworthy. I freely admit it, but I was wrong.

Her family is tragically small. She only ever had one mother and one father, and both are deceased. She has one brother, but he is in a coma on the Nexus. She considers her family to be the crew of the Tempest. I think I understand a bit more now. Perhaps not fully, but I see what I did not before. The smiles and jokes cover pain. Why she is so afraid of others seeing her wounds, I cannot fathom, but perhaps I will learn. She has begun further confiding to me. Her ability to worry rivals even yours. She feels a lot of pressure to succeed as Pathfinder and senses the weight of every life that depends on her. I believe she has the strength to endure. I tried to tell her as much, but she told me to “shut my face.” Apparently she is still not yet ready for compliments. At least she no longer holds herself so far apart.

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

My heart goes out to her family. I cannot imagine being so alone, so far from home. Can we blame her for being guarded? You should invite her to join our family, especially since you clearly admire her. Do you find her attractive? Does she reciprocate your regard?

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

Mother,

Do you want me to startle her into never speaking to me again?

Jaal

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Ryder might be capable of lying about her feelings, but you are not. Tell her how you feel.

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

You need not meddle. I have never withheld my feelings from her. But she is not ready to gain an entire angaran family. Please wait until we both know where we stand.

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Send us a picture of her.

  


**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

[ _Jaal has attached media of an image of C. Ryder. She is sitting on the heavily damaged body of a Remnant Destroyer on Elaaden, a sniper rifle braced across her thighs.]_

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Your mothers are in agreement. We find her charming. We must meet her.

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Darav

 

I will ASK the next time we are on Havarl, but we are very busy. It might be some time. Things are...not good here. We went after another of her people’s arks. We freed the ark, but not without cost.

Ryder died.

Temporarily, but I swear, the moment her heart stopped, so did mine. I existed in death with her every moment in between. It was a necessary maneuver to free ourselves from a hostage situation and so incredibly brave of her to do, but I have scarcely slept since that moment. What if she had not come back? It is foolish to dwell on the “what if” of the situation, but I cannot shake it from my head.

Worse yet, Ryder believes she made other mistakes while aboard the ark. Lives were lost and she blames herself. I had never seen Ryder cry until that day. I admit, I found myself at a loss for how to handle it. It is the first time I have seen her overwhelmed with emotion. I found it startlingly unnerving until I realized that, up until this point, I bought into her lie--the facade she has crafted to appear perpetually calm and unaffected. I am torn that it took tragedy before she revealed the depths of her emotions, but relieved to finally see her face without its mask. She is so very beautiful.

But there is some good news. Her brother awoke from his coma and is expected to make a full recovery. Ryder began talking about him openly for the first time. I did not fully appreciate the depth of her fear for him until now. She hides so much of herself, more than I could have ever imagined. I am deeply honored to see her true self at last.

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

I admit, I must find her more perplexing than even you do. Perhaps once I get to know her, I will come to understand. I reread our correspondence from your first encounters with her. We assumed she guarded her dishonest heart. What a gift we have been given to be proven wrong. Your mothers and I look forward to the day when we can meet her for ourselves.

Now, I must insist that you make a video call at as soon as you can. There is another matter your mothers and I need to discuss with you face-to-face. I’m afraid things are not going well here, either.

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

Jaal,

I cannot thank you enough for returning Baranjj, Teviint, and Lathoul to us. They are embarrassed for their actions, but it will pass. We are all simply relieved that they are home. Teviint won’t stop complaining about your Pathfinder. I confess, it endears Ryder more to me every day.

I insist you visit and bring her to meet us. This is no longer a request.

  


**To:** Sahuna Ama Darav

**From:** Jaal Ama Daraav

 

Ryder and I will be swinging by Havarl within the week. She has agreed to meet you and the rest. I find myself surprisingly nervous. I believe you will adore her, as I do, but what if she is overwhelmed? Her idea of family is so different, so nuclear, compared to ours. It will take an adjustment. Liam warns me not to push her about topics too far in the future. He says she is too easily startled. So, when we visit, please don’t bring up marriage. Or children. Please remember that she and I have committed to nothing so far. And before you ask, yes, if that changes you will be the first to know.

  


**To:** Jaal Ama Darav

**From:** Sahuna Ama Darav

 

I will be on my best behavior. I promise.


End file.
